...Happy Birthday, dear Iraq Conflict, Happy Birthday to you!

I'd like to publicly apologize for being so late in offering my wishes. After all, you've reached a very important milestone this year.

You all know all the things I could say at this point, so I won't even bother reiterating them here.

That will be all.

Man, I cannot get accustomed to using computers with no Japanese input system. My flavah is messed, my style seriously cramped.

These last four months have been hellacious. I have never been more thankful to be back in America. After weathering a sudden 12-hour-early departure to compensate for snow delays, an incompetent travel agent (oops, did I say the hotel was five minutes away from Shinjuku? I really meant twenty lol! Oops, did I just sell you a completely extraneous ticket to Tokyo station when you could have boarded the same train at Shinjuku, thus saving you $5.00 and an hour of travel time? My bad teehee!) I have never been more happy to set foot in God's Owne Homelande.

Of course, I've also remembered that the only country I hate more than Japan is America (unless I'm in Japan, where the only country I hate more than America is Japan...). American customs officials are some of the most obnoxious, unpleasant people on the face of the earth, as I am reminded like a slap to the face every time I return home for Christmas. I had fifteen minutes to catch my connecting flight, which was eaten up (and then some) while the airport monkeys scratched their heads over my Irish flute and pennywhistes. (Hint: if there were no explosives in my bags when I departed from Tokyo, there's no way any could have got there while I was flying over the Pacific Ocean unless the Hand of God put them there, and if the Hand of God put them there, there ain't nuthin any of us mortals can do to stop him...) Of course, that flight was delayed, which was good, because I had to play security check/terminal marathon, because....

.....OH MY DEAR SWEET LORD I FORGOT MY CANON WORDTANK ON THE PLANE AND SOMEBODY STOLE IT. I may hate Japan at the moment, but the fact remains that had I forgotten the dictionary in Japan, it would have been turned in, not lifted by a flight attendant. I realised my error not fifteen minutes after disembarking. The guy at the JAL flight desk was very kind but nonetheless indulged in some Japanese-ish doublespeak. "They probably threw it out," my ass. You don't throw out a very sleek, expensive looking piece of electronics.

Even more horrifying than the anguish of having left about $400 worth of gadgetry on the plane is the fact that

I AM NOW DOOMED TO SPEND THE NEXT THREE WEEKS WITHOUT A JAPANESE DICTIONARY. ::WAILS; GNASHES TEETH::

I have no faith in my ability to weather this crisis with my sanity intact and am thus seriously considering driving up to the Windy City to purchase a new one.

My parents had installed new, $200 mirrored doors on my bedroom closet, which I managed to break in a jetlagged haze within two hours of arriving home.

Then, I discovered to my horror that a money order I'd sent home via registered mail last March arrived at my house yesterday. These money orders are only valid for three months after the date of issue. So:

March - December = -(nine months)

where -(nine months) = -800 USD.

But hey, at least it makes the $400 Wordtank look like chump change.

In a moment of brightness, my CDs were waiting for me when I got home, so I at least have over 15 hours of Irish music to help soothe my nerves.

That will be all.

Quoting from the FM homepage (emphasis mine) here:

8/11/2004 - Last week a family of three in Michigan was kicked out of a rally for President Bush because they were wearing feminist and pro-choice T-shirts. First, Barbara Miller’s pro-choice T-shirt was confiscated as they attempted to enter Wendler Arena to hear President Bush speak at a rally, The Saginaw News reports. Later, after the Miller family had been seated, the same campaign worker who had taken their shirt arrived with a coworker and a security guard to escort the family out before the rally began.

According to The Saginaw News, Theresa Miller, 19, was wearing a Feminist Majority T-shirt with the slogan "This is what a feminist looks like" printed on the front. "I'm not an American? I can't see my president?" Theresa asked, according to The Saginaw News. Her mother added, "This is democracy under Bush."

Similarly, the Republican National Committee has been requiring citizens who want to see Bush speak sign an oath of loyalty before receiving tickets for entry at rallies across the country. According to The Washington Post, people wishing to obtain tickets in late July to an event at which Vice President Cheney was scheduled to speak were required to put their endorsement in writing if they could not be readily identified as contributors to, or volunteers for, the GOP. The Albuquerque Journal reports that the RNC turned away undecided voters who were interested in hearing Cheney speak.

This is such a mockery of our country and the election process that it is truly sickening.

That will be all.